Peace isn’t the absence of conflict. It’s the courage to move through it together.
Confession time. I don’t love conflict.
Most of us don’t. We smile, we nod, we let it slide, and we tell ourselves we’re keeping the peace. But lately I’ve been learning that sometimes keeping the peace is the very thing holding us back.
The Book That Has Us All Talking
Right now I’m reading The Art of Fighting: The Transformative Power of Conflict by Priya Parker, the author of The Art of Gathering. And I’m not reading it alone.
I’m part of a local book club here in Port Townsend, and we’re working through the book together. We are taking this book slow, doing a few chapters each time we meet. We talk about how Parker’s ideas apply to the organizations and groups we’re all part of right here in our community. Nonprofit boards. Business groups. Volunteer circles. The places where we come together to make this town what it is.
And let me tell you, it’s been eye opening.
A Few Ideas That Stuck With Me
🌀 “Unhealthy peace” is real. We all recognize a fight that’s gone bad. But Parker points out a quieter problem: groups that avoid every hard conversation, so nothing ever changes. In a small town where you’ll see everyone at the market, the post office, and the next meeting, this one hit home.
🌀 Conflict is a sign of life. Healthy groups disagree. That’s how they grow, evolve, and figure out who they really are.
🌀 Tear, Grapple, Cleave. The book follows conflict through three phases: the rupture, the work of facing it, and what comes after. I love that “cleave” means both to split apart and to hold together. Both can be healing.
🌀 Know what you really need. Before trying to fix a conflict, a group has to get clear on its true underlying need. So simple. So often skipped.
🌀 Repair takes two kinds of work. Mending the relationships, and changing the structures that caused the hurt in the first place.
I’ve also been spending time thinking about how to apply the concepts in this book to my personal life. Being in a new relationship, I’m eager to learn new tools for communication about disagreements, so I don’t make the same mistakes as I did in the past.
As a witch, I couldn’t help but notice how much this book’s concepts and how to have healthy fights are energy work. Tension that’s held in builds up. Energy that’s named and moved can transform. Release brings healing and peace to move on.
My Top 6 Crystals for Disagreements & Communication
Of course I had to think about adding crystals to this discussion. When a hard conversation is on the horizon, these are the stones I reach for.
💙 Blue Lace Agate
The gentle peacemaker.
Blue Lace Agate soothes the throat chakra and softens the words we speak. It cools hot tempers and helps you stay calm when emotions rise. If you tend to say things in the heat of the moment that you later regret, keep this one close. It invites patience, kindness, and a softer tone without losing your truth.
💙 Sodalite
The stone of clear thinking.
Sodalite brings logic and clarity to emotional situations. It helps you organize your thoughts, see the bigger picture, and speak with reason rather than reactivity. It’s wonderful for meetings, mediations, and any moment when you need to understand both sides before you respond.
🌊 Aquamarine
Courage to speak up.
This is my antidote to unhealthy peace. Aquamarine carries the calming energy of the sea along with the bravery to finally say what needs saying. It supports honest, compassionate expression and helps quiet the fear that keeps us silent. Hold it when you know a truth needs to come out.
💜 Amethyst
Calm perspective.
Amethyst connects you to your higher self and helps you pause before reacting. It eases stress and anxiety and brings a sense of spiritual calm to tense situations. It’s the stone that whispers, “Take a breath. This is bigger than one moment.”
🌸 Rose Quartz
The stone of repair.
After the hard conversation comes the healing. Rose Quartz opens the heart to compassion, forgiveness, and understanding. It helps mend relationships and reminds us that the person across the table is human too. Perfect for the “cleave back together” phase.
🖤 Black Tourmaline
Your energetic shield.
Conflict can leave us carrying other people’s anger and anxiety home with us. Black Tourmaline protects your energy, absorbs negativity, and keeps you grounded so you can stay present without taking on what isn’t yours. I like to tuck one in my pocket before any big meeting.
A Simple Ritual Before a Hard Conversation
🌙 Choose one or two of the stones above that match what you need most.
🌙 Sit quietly and hold them in your hands. Take three deep breaths.
🌙 Ask yourself: What do I truly need here? What does the group truly need?
🌙 Set an intention, something like: I speak with honesty and listen with an open heart.
🌙 Carry your stones with you into the conversation, and let them remind you of your intention.
Bonus idea for groups: Place a bowl of Blue Lace Agate in the center of your next meeting. Let each person hold a stone while they speak, and only the person holding it has the floor. It’s a little nod to the ancient talking circle, and it changes the energy of a room.
Come Find Your Stones 💙
All six of these crystals are waiting for you at Soulful Abundance.
And if you’re looking for your next read, I highly recommend picking up The Art of Fighting. Better yet, read it with friends. That’s where the real magic happens.
May your conflicts be honest, your words be kind, and your communities grow stronger for it.
With love, Jenn 💙